Purple Like Me

Last time we met with our social worker I remember her telling us that little kids have a really hard time understanding race or even realizing that there are any differences.  She was trying to help us understand that our children have no idea now what it will be like to have a sibling of a different race be part of our family.  I personally think that kids understand much more than we give them credit for, sometimes they even understand things better than us grown-ups.

When Breanna was just 2 years old I started looking at foster-to-adopt programs.  I found some websites with photos of children in our area that were waiting to be adopted.  One day I was showing her a photo of an African-American boy on the page and asked her if she would like him to be her brother.  She looked at the picture and then said “no, him not purple like me”.  She said this for every boy that was not white.  I’m not sure why, but at that time she thought that she had purple skin.  I thought it was interesting that at such a young age she already understood skin color differences.  I wish that at that time she could have told me why she thought he couldn’t be part of our family though.

Since November we have been talking to her about adopting a brother or sister from the Philippines.  I have showed her many pictures of kids from the Philippines.  At first she seemed ok with the idea, but one day she asked me how they could be a Stewart if they didn’t have the same skin color as us.  She was looking at our family picture at the time, and I think it just dawned on her that we all weren’t going to look the same so we couldn’t be a family.  I had to explain to her that there are many different types of families and that not all have a mommy and daddy and that everyone in the family can look different but still be a family.  I went to the LDS International Adoption Yahoo Group website and showed her pictures of the families that are part of the group.  There were many on there who had adopted kids from several different countries.  I told her the name of the family and where the kids were adopted from and that once they were adopted they become members of the family.  I think she really started to understand and she hasn’t really said anything else about it since.  Sometimes she says she doesn’t want a baby brother but wants a dog instead.  Jason made sure to remind her that even if we weren’t adopting she still wouldn’t get a dog.

The picture above is one that Breanna drew at church in our primary class.  The lesson was on families and I had the kids trace their hands and then draw each of their family members on the fingers.  Breanna finished hers with the 4 members of our family and then realized that there was still one finger left.  At first she told me she was going to draw a dog, because she really wants one.  When she gave me her picture though I was surprised to find that instead she had drawn her baby brother from the Philippines.  I thought it was interesting how she made sure to color his face different than the rest.  I guess she does want a brother more than a dog after all.

One more story before I end this post.  On Saturday Breanna was helping me go through her and Eva’s clothes.  We were picking out the ones that didn’t fit anymore and putting them in a big bag.  I told her we would save them just in case we end up getting a girl from the Philippines.  She looked at me confused and said “We aren’t getting a girl because we already have 2 girls, that is why we ordered a boy.”  I had to sit her down and explain first of all that we didn’t order anything and second that we requested either a boy or girl.  I said that they might give us a boy because they will see that we already have 2 girls and most people adopting want girls. We won’t be sure until we get our referral which is still 3 years away or so.  She said if we get another girl than we will have to adopt 3 boys so that we will have the same of each.  At this point I don’t think Jason is ever going to want to go through this process again, but I guess only time will tell.

Good News and Bad News

Well the good news is that I found out that we do not need to get the NBI clearance done.  I emailed the program director for the Philippines at our adoption agency and asked her about it.  She said that there is no child abuse registry in the Philippines and that they are trying to get ICAB to write a letter stating such to attach to everyone’s home study that needs the Philippines clearance.  The bad news is that they are having a difficult time getting ICAB to write this letter and without it USCIS will not accept our application.  She told me they will get the letter but she has no idea when.  We were told that we can go ahead and finish our home study once all of our other clearances come back and then just have our social worker write in the home study that we have verbal confirmation from ICAB that no such registry exists and that a letter will be coming.  They think this will be good enough to be able to submit our I-800a and get our appointment for fingerprinting in Yakima.  Hopefully by then they will have gotten the letter and everyone will be happy.  

I am just so relieved that we will not need to do the NBI clearance.  That was turning into such a nightmare and would have set us back who knows how long-a couple of months at least.  We will be submitting our dossier this week for our adoption agency to look over to make sure we have everything we need and that it is all correct.  They will then have to wait until our home study is finished to send it on to the Philippines.  It looks like now that might just be a couple of weeks.  Unless something major happens between now and then, hopefully the next time I post it will be to say that our home study is finished. 

Government Phone Calls

I have just spent the last two days trying to get ahold of someone from the San Francisco Philippine Consulate to get a form that Jason needs for his background check from the Philippines.  I found out from a Philippine adoption yahoo group I am part of that Jason needs to get an NBI(National Bureau of Investigation) clearance check done for his child abuse clearance. In order to get this done we need a form from our nearest consulate which we found out is San Francisco.  I found out yesterday that there is one in Vancouver, Canada.  I told Jason we should just drive the 2 hours there and get the forms on Monday.  After hours of trying to get ahold of someone there, I found out that I have to get the form from the consulate in San Francisco because we are under their jurisdiction.  I really don’t understand this, because I am almost positive it is the same form and there is nothing else they have to do for us except to give us this form.  We have to then get fingerprints done from our local police and then send the form on to the NBI in Manila along with more money and passport photos of Jason.  

It would have been so easy to just drive there, get the form, drive home, get fingerprints done, and send the form to Manila all in one day.  Now we have to wait, who knows how long, to get in contact with someone who can send us the form.  Then we have to wait, who knows how long, for them to actually send it and for us to actually receive it.  With our luck, considering how many things have been lost in the mail, this will take a long, long time.  

I started making calls at about 9am and have tried every half hour since then with no luck.  There are about a hundred different extensions to choose from and I have tried all the ones that even come close to relating to what I need, but no luck.  I have even tried the secretary and the operator.  This is the same thing I went through yesterday.  I have left several messages with different extensions with no response.  I have even sent out emails and nothing still.  I did check to make sure it wasn’t a holiday for them or something.  June 12th is their independence day, but they celebrate it on the closest Monday which is this coming Monday.  Maybe there aren’t very many people in the office because of it.  Maybe because it is Friday the 13th, and Filipinos are very superstitious, that nobody came in to work today.  Who knows.  All I know is that I am very, very frustrated right now.  

This is the last thing holding us up and it is what is going to take the longest to complete because it has to go to the Philippines and then back to us.  Our social worker is the one who should be doing all this paper chasing for us, but I am taking it into my own hands because I am tired of waiting around for things to be done.  This is a new process for her with all of the new USCIS policy changes.  I think a lot of people and agencies are pretty clueless and frustrated right now.  Jason is working a ton of overtime this month, so I am left alone to deal with all of this for him.  Here’s to hoping I have better luck on Tuesday.  Here’s to hoping also that all of our other background checks make it to where they’re going and then back to us quickly and with no problems. 

Police Station Visit

Today we had to go to the Everett Police Station to get our police clearance letter. It was actually pretty easy to obtain.  We just showed them our i.d., paid them a small sum, and in about 5 minutes they were done.  The girls had fun and got to pick out a stuffed animal out of the toy chest to take home.  I guess they get huge donations of stuffed animals on a regular basis, so any child that comes in gets to take one home.  The funny thing about this whole visit was that since I just had my wisdom teeth pulled a week ago, I had a huge bruise that went from the right side of my face all the way down my neck.  I kept joking around with Jason that they might have to keep him there for questioning after we walked in.  They actually didn’t even say anything at all about it.  

After the police station we had to go to the bank and get a ton of documents notarized to finish our dossier and all the background checks we need done now.  Once we get all of those done and figure out what needs to be done for the Philippine clearance then we can finally send everything in and be done for now.  

Child Acceptable Form

There is a form that you have to fill out when you are adopting internationally that lists all of the conditions and circumstances that you will or will not accept with your referred child.  I started filling out ours yesterday.  It seemed so strange and sad for me to check any of the will not accept boxes.  If I was pregnant and found out my child had something wrong with it, I would not reject my child.  I would love it and care for it regardless of any condition that it may have.  There are a lot of specific conditions that I know I am not prepared to deal with, but if it was my own child I would have to deal with it and I know that I could if I was put in that position.  I don’t know if other people have felt weird about this form, but I am having a really hard time with it.  I know everyone wants a healthy child, but what about all the children in the world who will never have a home or family because they are different.  

I have been putting this form off for one of the last things to do, because I thought is was going to be pretty easy.  I am finding out just the opposite and feel that I really need to do a lot more praying about it before I finish filling it out. It looks like I’ll have all the time I need, since it will still be a few weeks until we have all of our child abuse clearances done.

Against All Odds

We got a call from our adoption agency this week to talk with us about our home study.  We were told in the beginning that it will most likely take longer for us to get a referral because we are LDS, but I guess there is another issue that might hold us back even more than our religion.  Depression runs in Jason’s family and he has suffered with it on and off throughout his life and the first few years of our marriage.  He was on medication for a time and did receive some counseling.  He now has his problem under control and no longer needs meds or counseling and hasn’t for almost 2 years now.  Our agency told us that the Philippines has a big problem with adopting to anyone with mental issues and depression is one of those issues.  If Jason was still on meds or seeing a counselor then we would not even qualify for the program.  We  were not told any of this before we began this process.  They said that because he now has the problem under control that we can be part of the Philippine program but it may take even longer to get a referral because of it.  We asked them what the maximum amount of time could possibly be, but they were unable to give us that information.  It all depends on how many people that are applying for the program and what their circumstances are.  First priority goes to those with Filipino heritage and second priority seems to go to those who are Catholic or Protestant.  They said we will end up with a referral, but they just have no idea how long that will be.  They said it could be as long as 3 years or more.  They told us it might be a good idea to think about applying for a different country or try domestic adoption.  The thing is that we know our child is in the Philippines.  The Lord has made that very clear to us.  We just have to keep on hanging to that hope and know that even though it seems like all odds are against us right now, it will happen and He will bring our child home to us.  Even if we do have to wait 3 years or more for it to happen, I am ok with that.  I know people who have waited much longer than that for their child to come to them.  It will all be worth it in the end.  I just have to keep remembering that through all the discouraging times.