Purple Like Me

Last time we met with our social worker I remember her telling us that little kids have a really hard time understanding race or even realizing that there are any differences.  She was trying to help us understand that our children have no idea now what it will be like to have a sibling of a different race be part of our family.  I personally think that kids understand much more than we give them credit for, sometimes they even understand things better than us grown-ups.

When Breanna was just 2 years old I started looking at foster-to-adopt programs.  I found some websites with photos of children in our area that were waiting to be adopted.  One day I was showing her a photo of an African-American boy on the page and asked her if she would like him to be her brother.  She looked at the picture and then said “no, him not purple like me”.  She said this for every boy that was not white.  I’m not sure why, but at that time she thought that she had purple skin.  I thought it was interesting that at such a young age she already understood skin color differences.  I wish that at that time she could have told me why she thought he couldn’t be part of our family though.

Since November we have been talking to her about adopting a brother or sister from the Philippines.  I have showed her many pictures of kids from the Philippines.  At first she seemed ok with the idea, but one day she asked me how they could be a Stewart if they didn’t have the same skin color as us.  She was looking at our family picture at the time, and I think it just dawned on her that we all weren’t going to look the same so we couldn’t be a family.  I had to explain to her that there are many different types of families and that not all have a mommy and daddy and that everyone in the family can look different but still be a family.  I went to the LDS International Adoption Yahoo Group website and showed her pictures of the families that are part of the group.  There were many on there who had adopted kids from several different countries.  I told her the name of the family and where the kids were adopted from and that once they were adopted they become members of the family.  I think she really started to understand and she hasn’t really said anything else about it since.  Sometimes she says she doesn’t want a baby brother but wants a dog instead.  Jason made sure to remind her that even if we weren’t adopting she still wouldn’t get a dog.

The picture above is one that Breanna drew at church in our primary class.  The lesson was on families and I had the kids trace their hands and then draw each of their family members on the fingers.  Breanna finished hers with the 4 members of our family and then realized that there was still one finger left.  At first she told me she was going to draw a dog, because she really wants one.  When she gave me her picture though I was surprised to find that instead she had drawn her baby brother from the Philippines.  I thought it was interesting how she made sure to color his face different than the rest.  I guess she does want a brother more than a dog after all.

One more story before I end this post.  On Saturday Breanna was helping me go through her and Eva’s clothes.  We were picking out the ones that didn’t fit anymore and putting them in a big bag.  I told her we would save them just in case we end up getting a girl from the Philippines.  She looked at me confused and said “We aren’t getting a girl because we already have 2 girls, that is why we ordered a boy.”  I had to sit her down and explain first of all that we didn’t order anything and second that we requested either a boy or girl.  I said that they might give us a boy because they will see that we already have 2 girls and most people adopting want girls. We won’t be sure until we get our referral which is still 3 years away or so.  She said if we get another girl than we will have to adopt 3 boys so that we will have the same of each.  At this point I don’t think Jason is ever going to want to go through this process again, but I guess only time will tell.